Living After Death
by Cozymansam
Summary: How do you keep on living after death? Not even your own death. Can you ever be happy again after two of you closest friends die?


"_Forever; infinite; endless. Love should last forever, but it's never that simple."_

-Rae Reegan

They should have remembered the love, but they dwell in sorrow.

"_When I step out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I have only two things on my mind, Paul Newman, and a ride home. I was wishing I looked more like Paul Newman- he looks tuff and I don't- but I guess my own looks aren't so bad…" _I have to put down the page. I just can't read anymore. This sounds so much like Pony. The old Pony. The Pony I used to know. And even though he's my brother, and I know him better than anyone, now he's a stranger. I hardly ever see him anymore, and when I do, he never says anything, but just sits around, his pale waxen face contorting, as he does his best not to cry.

We all loved Johnny, and while he was rough and grouchy, Dally was a good buddy. And then we lost both of them in the same day. Like a candle that's been suddenly snuffed out. I remember something else Pony wrote in that school theme. _"Two of my friends died that night, on a hero, the other a hoodlum." _But they were both part of us. For as long as most of us could remember we've been buddies, all seven of us, like brothers even though only me Pony and Darry actually shared a family tree. After they were gone it was like someone came and hacked off a huge chunk of us.

I'm losing my brothers too. Darry still works too long and hard, but now it's only to escape. He works so he can immerse himself in heavy labor and temporarily forget those images we all are trying to keep away. Like Dally, finally breaking, falling under the streetlight. And Johnny. While Pony was the only surviving one to see Johnny die, we all remember him. Those big dark eyes, and black hair he could never keep out of his eyes, even greased back. Johnny beat up by his parents, by the Socs. He was always beaten. He may have died valiantly, but who cares? He was beaten all the way to the ground.

Pony pretends to read, or watches sunsets, or writes. Two-Bit drinks. Steve works on cars. And I go to rodeos, not caring if I had been banned from them or not. After all, my parents were dead too, why should it matter? And the last two people were dead and didn't have to deal with it. We were all living in a vacuum. And slowly, we were breaking apart. I can't remember the last time all the gang got together all at once. At work, I see Steve, but it really doesn't matter, because we never talk, we never wrestle like we once would. None of it matters anymore. It just doesn't matter.

That was what I was doing this night; going to a rodeo. Darry was working of course, and Pony was moping around the house somewhere. I jumped into the car and drove to the rodeo, looking for a good horse to ride. I see a horse that's very jumpy, but he's obviously been broken, he's just scared. I walk over, mentally reminding myself to pick this horse when the time came. Something about his deep amber coat reminded me about something, I wasn't sure what though. I walked closer, trying to get a look at the horse's face. A groom, seeing my get closer, looked worried.

"Careful, that one's a biter." He advised, but I wasn't really listening. I was watching the horse, completely entranced.

"Mickey Mouse?" I whispered, my words not even leaving my throat, which was closing up. Mickey heard though, and twisted his head, then his whole body towards me, nickering softly. "Oh Mickey!" I said aloud this time. I gently rubbed his nose, scratching it just the way he liked. He squared his nose in delight, and pressed closer. The groom watched enthralled.

"I see you like the looks of my horse." Said the man I'd assumed to be a groom. I jumped, startled.

"I- I think I used to know him. His name is Mickey Mouse, right?" I asked, hoping that I was right. But this had to be Mickey. Who else would nuzzle me the way this horse did, who else would be able to make me feel such a sense of calm? No other horse could be this magical.

"Yep, this here's Mickey all right. And am I right to assume you go by the name of Sodapop Curtis?" He asked. I flinched again. How would he know my name?

"Yes sir." I answered shakily. "How do you know my name?" I couldn't help asking. The man smiled.

"I was told that a boy by the name of Sodapop used to love this horse, and this horse loved him back. I felt sorry that I had to move away, knowing the bond you two shared. But us- me and Mickey here are in Tulsa for good now. You're welcome to come and ride him anytime you like." He said kindly.

"Oh thank you! I exclaimed, and went off, not even participating in the rodeo, just fooling around. That was when my day started to look up.

I was waiting around at the house, wondering where Pony was and when he and Darry were going to get home so I could tell them about Mickey Mouse when someone knocked on the door. Now that was odd, because if you know us, you know we always leave the door unlocked 'case one of the gang needs to stay somewhere. Maybe I'd accidentally locked the door somehow. But it was gentle knocking.

If one of the gang got locked out of the house, he'd be raving mad, and would start banging on the door, shaking the house and quite possibly breaking down the door. Whatever. Someone knocked on the door. There really shouldn't have been such a long thought process for this. Going to autopilot, I opened up the door. A small girl, maybe six or seven peeked out from the door. She had long brown hair, and a pretty face. She seemed oddly old for a little kid though. Like she'd grown up too fast or something. She reminded me a little bit of Darry.

"Are you looking for someone?" I asked, trying not to be too rough.

"Yes. I'm Lindsey and I was wondering if Ponyboy was home."

"Nope, not yet. What do you want with Pony anyhow?" I asked, curious.

"I wanted to thank him. I was in the church and he saved my life. I- I wanted to tell him that his friend Johnny's death wasn't in vain." I was shocked.

"What!"

"He didn't have a very good home life did he?" She asked. With my mute nod, she continued. "Well, at the end, he made up for that. He was a hero. He saved our lives, and made it the best day of his life. You know, he never once looked scared. Johnny I mean. I just thought Pony should know." I nodded again, too overcome by emotion to speak.

"And there was Dally too." She continued, and my head snapped up. How could a sweet little girl like her know a guy like Dally? Seeming to sense my question, she went on. "He died valiant too. I knew him. He saved me from Socs that were traveling once when he and his cousin were up in Windrixville. I don't know why. He just did. He was like Johnny a little. All he wanted was for someone to love him, or at least to care about him. You guys did. But it was Johnny who he really needed. Johnny looked up to him and he really needed that. When Johnny died it was like part of him died too." I felt tears rush into my eyes as I realized that this girl was right. She knew more about my closest friends than I did. I felt like I'd betrayed them somehow.

"You're right." I said, trying to force words past the lump in my throat. "You just made my day. I- thank you so much. You should wait a minute until Pony gets home and tell him." She nodded consent and I started to lead her into the house, but right on cue, Pony appeared walking up the street. Lindsey retold Pony everything She'd just told me, and I saw the tears of gratitude spill over in his eyes too. The day was perfect. I got Mickey Mouse back, and then I feel better about Johnny and Dally. This little girl had taught me how to live after death.


End file.
